I know its possible because i have done it in the past.
But its come up for me again this week.
You know when you have a connection with someone that no matter what happens in the world, no matter how bad it gets, the connection remains. I think sometimes it would be easy to imagine that it wasn't always a healthy connection, and maybe sometimes it wasn't. But its there and its real.
We spent 6 years together, we were best friends, we talked for hours and hours on the phone and face to face. We were going to me married.
I think it was 2004 when we met.It was in the bread isle at woolworths, well thats what we told people anyway. We chatted on the phone from 10:30pm till 7am the next morning. The only reason I had to go was that i had to get my daughter to a soccer game and she was pestering me to get off the phone.
We talked about practically everything in that 9 hours. We talked about our frailties and fears and loves and our passions. We talked music and poetry and children and families and life and love and god and the universe. We solved all the worlds problems and most of our own. We hit it off from almost the very first moment we layed eyes on each other. He was so tall and masculine and creative and strong. When he walked with his arms around me I felt so completely protected and safe. There was nothing that could have us be separated, until there was......
Early in 2003, I was in a great place emotionally and a friend of mine had asked what i was up to, I looked really happy and content and in love. I told her I was feeling a bit that way and although there was noone in my life that i was in love with, I felt they were close. She asked when i was getting married? I said "when i find the man" My friend and I played games of life on a regular basis, so her answer was " No thats not how it works, you pick the date and then you work towards it." So I said "ok Sept 15" So i decided to work towards that, which was about 6 months away.
The weeks passed by .... I had a vision of a man, he was tall and dark and handsome and had an earring in his left ear. I could only see him from the rear but it was so vivid, he had a big black winter coat on.
Within, what felt like a matter of weeks, It was cold and possibly raining outside,I met this man, and as we were leaving his house on our way out for coffee, he grabbed a coat and as he through it over his shoulders to protect himself from the cold, I realised it was him. He must have seen the look on my face and asked what was wrong. I told him the story and his reply was "Im available that day!"
In that moment I thought i had found my life partner.
The next 12 months were beautiful. We decided the date that year was not appropriate timing but the next year would be perfect for a wedding and a marriage.
Needless to say it didnt happen, he got really frightened and backed off.... many times. By the time he was ready, I had left, emotionally. The relationship was very unsteady for the next few years.
Over the course of time, for whatever reasons, we run into each other, or one of us makes contact to see if the other is doing ok and we end up back in some kind of unprepared or unthought out relationship again that never worked.
The reason i write this now is because he came back into my life just recently. I was clear that friendship was possible as i had no romantic feelings for him anymore. I love him though and I always will.
I began writing this blog a few months ago and saved it in my drafts, now i look at all the unfinished work and decide which to publish and which to discard.
I saw a quote from Rumi today "you have to keep breaking your heart till it opens" so i felt i needed to publish this one as this man, this friend, this ex -lover called me a few weeks ago to confide in me, something he didnt know how to deal with. I rushed over as fast as i could thinking he was obviously dying of cancer, to find that he was very distraught and confused and uncertain and was looking for assistance in what to do next. After finally getting him to say what the hell was going on and how much longer he had to live, he confessed he had fallen in love!!!!
OMG, what a relief, but not so for him!
We had both struggled emotionally with our relationship ending and he was petrified to try again for fear of more loss and heartbreak.
After long discussions through the night, he soon notified me he had jumped in the deep end. After a few international, yet local flights to visit the woman of his future dreams, he announces his forthcoming migration and ultimately marriage.
i wish him all the love and blessings i can muster
Congratulations beautiful friend
xxx
But its come up for me again this week.
You know when you have a connection with someone that no matter what happens in the world, no matter how bad it gets, the connection remains. I think sometimes it would be easy to imagine that it wasn't always a healthy connection, and maybe sometimes it wasn't. But its there and its real.
We spent 6 years together, we were best friends, we talked for hours and hours on the phone and face to face. We were going to me married.
I think it was 2004 when we met.It was in the bread isle at woolworths, well thats what we told people anyway. We chatted on the phone from 10:30pm till 7am the next morning. The only reason I had to go was that i had to get my daughter to a soccer game and she was pestering me to get off the phone.
We talked about practically everything in that 9 hours. We talked about our frailties and fears and loves and our passions. We talked music and poetry and children and families and life and love and god and the universe. We solved all the worlds problems and most of our own. We hit it off from almost the very first moment we layed eyes on each other. He was so tall and masculine and creative and strong. When he walked with his arms around me I felt so completely protected and safe. There was nothing that could have us be separated, until there was......
Early in 2003, I was in a great place emotionally and a friend of mine had asked what i was up to, I looked really happy and content and in love. I told her I was feeling a bit that way and although there was noone in my life that i was in love with, I felt they were close. She asked when i was getting married? I said "when i find the man" My friend and I played games of life on a regular basis, so her answer was " No thats not how it works, you pick the date and then you work towards it." So I said "ok Sept 15" So i decided to work towards that, which was about 6 months away.
The weeks passed by .... I had a vision of a man, he was tall and dark and handsome and had an earring in his left ear. I could only see him from the rear but it was so vivid, he had a big black winter coat on.
Within, what felt like a matter of weeks, It was cold and possibly raining outside,I met this man, and as we were leaving his house on our way out for coffee, he grabbed a coat and as he through it over his shoulders to protect himself from the cold, I realised it was him. He must have seen the look on my face and asked what was wrong. I told him the story and his reply was "Im available that day!"
In that moment I thought i had found my life partner.
The next 12 months were beautiful. We decided the date that year was not appropriate timing but the next year would be perfect for a wedding and a marriage.
Needless to say it didnt happen, he got really frightened and backed off.... many times. By the time he was ready, I had left, emotionally. The relationship was very unsteady for the next few years.
Over the course of time, for whatever reasons, we run into each other, or one of us makes contact to see if the other is doing ok and we end up back in some kind of unprepared or unthought out relationship again that never worked.
The reason i write this now is because he came back into my life just recently. I was clear that friendship was possible as i had no romantic feelings for him anymore. I love him though and I always will.
I began writing this blog a few months ago and saved it in my drafts, now i look at all the unfinished work and decide which to publish and which to discard.
I saw a quote from Rumi today "you have to keep breaking your heart till it opens" so i felt i needed to publish this one as this man, this friend, this ex -lover called me a few weeks ago to confide in me, something he didnt know how to deal with. I rushed over as fast as i could thinking he was obviously dying of cancer, to find that he was very distraught and confused and uncertain and was looking for assistance in what to do next. After finally getting him to say what the hell was going on and how much longer he had to live, he confessed he had fallen in love!!!!
OMG, what a relief, but not so for him!
We had both struggled emotionally with our relationship ending and he was petrified to try again for fear of more loss and heartbreak.
After long discussions through the night, he soon notified me he had jumped in the deep end. After a few international, yet local flights to visit the woman of his future dreams, he announces his forthcoming migration and ultimately marriage.
i wish him all the love and blessings i can muster
Congratulations beautiful friend
xxx
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