Sex and Surrender

I think great sex happens when you surrender


I did a workshop at my sacred Soul Centre, with my friend Kurt on Thursday night. He does something called Matrix Energetics. I will let you read up on it and come to your own conclusions. I have only had 2 sessions with Kurt but i can hardly wait for more. The thing I got is, as human beings we are so significant and in control, we probably know this already or feel this is the truth, but only because we say it, does it really ring true?. We have no idea what we are doing or where we are headed. We say we do because it makes us feel more secure. But really we are just all making it up as we go along. I find alot of power and freedom in that though. If we know everything, even the things we really know we know, it limits us.


I remember doing one of may seminars at Landmark Education many years ago. The seminar leader was speaking of "knowing" He gave us some homework to go home in the following week and not know your family. So Instead of knowing what they like, ask, Instead of assuming that your husband will do a certain thing or say a certain something, wait and see what happens when you don't know.


The following week when we returned, Some people shared about the results they got. Its interesting how Landmark Education works, I don't actually remember how that week went for me, but what I got from the sharing of others, is what transformed my world. An elderly lady stood up in front of the class to share her week. She wanted to thank all of us for her week. She said she had been married for, I think, 45 years, to a beautiful man and they were very happy. She left last week and went home with the intention of NOT Knowing this man. She described her week as new and fresh. It was like another honeymoon. She was married to a new and different man. She asked him what he wanted for breakfast, instead of giving him what she knew, and she got a different answer. She asked him what he wanted to do today, and she was surprised at his response. I could go on and on, but the message is clear. Surrender, stop trying to control your world and everyone in it. There are in excess of 6 Billion people on this planet and they all have an opinion, what makes yours the right one. Sure if it works for you, do it, think it, say it, live it. But don't make it right. Don't KNOW it. It limits so many possibilities.


I remember a few years ago when i was learning to fly a glider. I had enough hours up so the instructor said it was time I learnt to take off and land on my own. Of course he would be sitting right behind me with duel controls. I was nervous but excited. The take off was fine. We were dragged up by a generator run winch. Very exciting, some say a little dangerous but once we were up, the weather wasn't so great, no great cloud cover to stay up long. When the time came to land, the instructor was guiding me in, it was a little rocky, he was firmly and articulately giving me the instructions and i was taking it all like Id heard it all before, which i had. I was replying with or maybe just thinking "yes i know that" Then in the blink of an eye when something didn't make sense, and I said "Yes I know" again, i realise that me "knowing", may have killed us. I didn't really know, I hadn't actually done it before, i had watched and tried to learn but I didn't" know", that's why I was with a instructor. That day altered my world. I don't think I glided after that, not because of fear, but i guess I had learnt what i needed to learn and I just didn't go back.


Why does this have anything to do with Matrix Energetics, well because its all about giving up that you "know something" and surrendering into a new paradigm shift, which will enable you to experience a new state of transformation.
When Kurt first did a session with me. He said "Just stand up with the mattress behind you just in case" OMG!! what do you mean "Just in case" He said sometimes people fall or pass out, but not everyone  :-)
Now i was a bit nervous. Kurt placed a finger on my chest and one somewhere on my back, usually its done with just 2 points. I don't think he said much but I'm sure he was talking under his breath. I began to feel a little light but resisted it to stand straight. I was determined i wasn't going to fall. Kurt then asked me how I was feeling. It wasn't until i spoke that i realised i was feeling quite woozy! My legs were weak and I still resisted the experience. I guess at first I wasn't sure what i was meant to do. Kurt said "Just go with it" It was then that i felt myself let go. I did, however notice all the thoughts and feelings around why NOT to let go. "How silly do i look" "what will he think of me" What if I look stupid" "This must look so uncool" Then he said it again and again, and I just let go and feel over.. Onto the mattress luckily.


ok because you have stopped trying to control it. You trust.


Everything i experience since my Soul Centre opened, is due entirely to surrendering. Allowing God, the Universe, Energy, whatever you call it, just do what its here to do. Its important to get out of our own way and allow ourselves to soar!









Someone posted this on Facebook yesterday and although quite controversial, I love it. I'm not sure you can read the fine print but you get the picture You can see it on my Facebook page here Kelley Storum










A few days ago, i had an old friend call, whom I had not spoken to for years. Apart from the general hello's and catchup's about our businesses, she was keen to know about blogging. I am really just learning as i go but I was happy to help her out. I am a small fry at the moment, but i hope to make a difference to as many lives as I can. She asked what i blogged about. I told her whatever i think of in the moment. I told her the nicest thing about blogging is when someone comments. Its a feeling of acknowledgement and the realisation that it isn't just floating out there in cyber space. She asked me what commands the most comments. That's easy i said "Anything about Sex, or with sex in the title"  Now although you may be thinking that the only reason I put sex in this heading was because of that, then you would be jumping to conclusions.I am honest in saying i hope it works, but I have other ideas...


Kurt's workshop bought up a whole new realm of ideas and possibilities for me. When it came my turn to have another experience with Matrix, I decided i was going to disregard any thoughts i had about looking stupid or being foolish and if I was going to experience this transformation i was going to just completely and utterly let go. And so i did. Kurt placed his finger on my nose and one on my ear. That made us both giggle. I closed my eyes and stood still. My mouth fell open and my head rocked way back and my whole body arched backwards. We all laughed uncontrollably and then my body flung forward until my hands touched the floor to protect me. It was exhilarating, I felt so free and clear. This was all just experiential, imagine what is possible when you are working on a particular issue.................. like SEX for instance.


I have to say, I have been blessed in my life with a significant amount of magnificent sex. I attribute this to a few key points but mostly to surrendering. When i give up all the attachments to sex, all the moral high ground that was bestowed upon me in my catholic upbringing, and release all guilt and inhibitions, all thoughts on right or wrong or good or bad Wow!! the earth really does move, for all concerned. Mmm now there is a workshop right here...
So i began to think about how Matrix Energetics could not only transform my Soul Centre, as well as the centre of my soul, but what is possible in the world of tantra and sexual energy?.


Kurt, we need to play some more, I'm interested in your thoughts


Miracles really do happen you know


xxx.

Sexy vs Soulful

Its been a confronting 2 weeks. I have held these words in, because that is what i do when I'm confronted.
I'm never sure if these words need to be read, but i am sure i need to say them.

Whilst I sit and write today, the phone rings. Its my beautiful friend/coach/colleague Yvonne, she calls at precisely the right moment. Its breakthrough time!!!!

You know when you know something, then there's that thing you really really know, and then there's that thing that you know deep in your heart, in your bones, and in your consciousness. Well i had such a knowing........turns out sometimes you just don't know!!!

When i was a young girl, i was always felt quite sexual, I didn't always know that word, but i felt a bit different. I had feelings that I was sure other girls my age weren't feeling, but of course, I didn't know for sure, as there was no way i was going to ask them. I was mature for my age. I developed faster and more than most girls i knew and i felt things i wasn't sure about. I remember self pleasuring at age 2 and then for ever after. I knew there must have been something about it, I'm not sure what, actually I felt it was wrong, because I knew not to tell anyone and I knew to do it in private. But it didn't stop me. I knew it felt good :-) It did however impact my word on a cellular level. I have been living, having sex, teaching about sexual energy etc etc, and some little bastard rogue cell was still telling me it was wrong

Last year leading up to the opening of my Soul Centre, and the centre of my soul, my heart. I fell in love with me. I have written of this before. I got may things during that awakening, and many more since. I got that i was beautiful and sexy and gorgeous, but most of all, I got that i was enough. I got that I didn't have to do or learn anything more to make me any more than I already was, I was already completely and totally enough. This was probably one of the greatest breakthroughs of my life. I am enough... I just love saying it now  :-)

In the "getting of" me being enough, I began to realise all the times when i thought i wasn't. The most poignant of those times was my career. I had it, that every job, and I mean every job i ever got was because i knew they were attracted to me, and not always me, but definitely my breasts. So i never got a job on my own merits. I always got the job so the boss could stare at me.... Thank you to my very good friend and coach, Yvonne I got this complete last year. It was an amazing feeling to realise I had made it up and that I may have actually got all those great jobs because i was Great, not because I looked great or had great boobs :-)

The Soul Centre has just entered her third month of trade. I sometimes have people ask me about whether I ever get any of "you know.... Those types of calls or clients" . My answer was that i think you get back what you put out. I am certainly not one of "those" types of massage centres. Not like it hasn't crossed my mind and my path in my day, but I'm not. Even though i speak freely of sex and tantra and sexual energy and love and connection and couples and I have a queen size bed in my healing room, I never really got those types of calls or people coming here. This is because "I knew" that wasn't me or what i wanted to attract. So all was well in my world. Then one day in walks "Creepy Charlie" He parked his car around the back of the centre, odd to begin with, and although I wasn't anywhere to be seen, began to walk through the back door. I came in from another direction and stopped him in his tracks. "G'day love, how much for half an hour?" he said.His car was dark murky brown and puffed more smoke than my dads old pipe, you get the picture. I told Charlie I just didn't do half hours and that i was fully booked today anyway (which i was)and had my next client coming in an hour. He pleaded with me to do 45 mins. I explained that the bodywork i do is relaxing and healing and that i wasn't comfortable or confident that anything less than an hour would make enough difference to his wellbeing. I was confident that he understood. He handed me the money and said "Please can you make an exception" So i did.

It was an interesting 45 mins. Charlie told me lots of things, mostly about how beautiful i was, how sensual i was, how lucky the person was who got to massage me etc etc He told me how aroused he was when i was massaging his belly :-). I felt a little uncomfortable, but i didn't say too much. When he left, I pondered for a few days. Telling myself what i could have, would have, and should have done. On the 5th day he called to make another booking. I accepted the booking and as we were about to hang up I told him there was something i needed to say before he comes to the next appointment. I told him his comments made me feel uncomfortable and although i could appreciate the fact that those were the feelings that were invoked during the massage, that I would prefer he didnt

There has been a few instances since then that have made me feel a little uncomfortable, that's how i knew i needed to write, so here i am. Its almost not necessary to describe them here, but they were just things like a client I have been seeing for 8 consecutive weeks, came to our last appointment after having a few too many drinks. He had a bit of dutch courage and was flirting with me. I was so disappointed, I cried later. But hey, its ok NOW.. I get it!

I realise that the reason I have been attracting these people is because i offer the most beautiful sensual, loving, nurturing, blissful and therapeutic massage on the planet!!!!  And I'm beautiful, sensual and sexy and soulful, so they say something, in their moments of Bliss, and i panic and shut them down because i don't want them to think that i am offering anything more than my soulful massage."What you resist, persists."
So all I had to do was accept myself, love myself, don't have sexy and soulful fighting with each other, have them dance together.

And so after i got off the phone from Yvonne with my new found strength, power and and sexy soulfulness. I was tested, boy was I tested. He is a young (30 i think) and delightfully beautiful client of mine, I have seen him about 4 or 5 times now. I am very attracted to him, he is just gorgeous, inside and out, as far as I can tell(about the inside i mean) He loves to have his inside thighs done, who am i to say no :-) He has decided that the sarong really isn't necessary and has no issues being naked, cool i don't have a problem with him being naked either, I'm human after all. He always gets an erection and its always ok, Its great that he never gets embarrassed and that makes it all the easier for me too.

Today he was a little more forward and wanted me to get right up inside his groin and perineum, I asked if he had an injury and he said no he just really likes it, well who doesn't i thought. The reason I'm telling you this is because if I had seen this boy/man any earlier than the moment he called in, I would never have been in my power. I told him I had no problem with massaging him but that he was getting a massage and that was it. And when he started to get too aroused, I stopped and said that if i was going to do this, then he was going to learn something. So I taught him some tantric breathing and moving the sexual energy up from the base chakra and into his heart. As far as i could tell he liked it, he liked it enough to extend to 1.5 hours. When he left and paid me, We spoke about Tantra and what was possible and that I was willing to teach him. I didn't normally teach single men, I prefer women and couples as I don't want them to think i will practise the techniques with him. Aaaahaaa... another lesson comes to me! Although I can see how I could make an exception with this young man, if he was open to it and willing to learn.

Anyway, I just wanted to acknowledge the shift in power for me. I am woman, I am sexy, I am a massager, I can teach Tantra and I can stand in my own power, and still have an amazing time sensually massaging beautiful bodies and stand proud doing it.

Hooray for me!!!

I read somewhere the other day that people who do what they are passionate about find it difficult to call it work. Its very true, I find it really weird to tell the girls I'm at work, i think i normally just say I'm at the centre. I am pleased to say. I am living my dream. I am passionate soulful, sexy and proud of who I am and what i do. I am also immensely pleased to say I will NEVER work again

xxx
Love Love Love
xxx

Soul Centre Sings

I sit in my sanctuary today on Meditation Monday.


Sri is here with a client in the healing room. My Soul and the entire Centre is vibrating with the sounds of the Crystal Singing Bowls.


The sounds of the bowls are transformational, they take me to a place of softness and tranquility. I am undisturbed by the sounds of the lawn mower or the traffic outside. Actually, I am undisturbed at all. I notice with each note it takes me to another place.


I feel content and blissful, and I know that our guest is being swept away by these delicious sounds.


How honoured i am to have created a place to share the gift of transformation.


Do you have any thoughts on Sound Therapy?, On Crystal Bowls?


What is your favourite experience of transformation?


xxx

Cheeky old Bugger...........

An elderly gentleman ( I use that term loosely) entered the Centre yesterday.
Without any exaggeration, I would say he was well into his 80's. That will be an important point when you get to the end.


I greeted him warmly, asked him to step into the air conditioning and asked what i could do to assist him on this very hot day. " Id like a massage" he said with a smile. "excellent!" I said, "you have come to the perfect place"
I asked him to take a seat..... he sat. I said I would like him to fill out a form for me, He said "No thank you".
I hesitated and said "its just a little bit of basic information for my records." He said "I would prefer not to"
I asked, "What about just your name" "Bob" he said "Ok Bob are you local, do you live nearby" "Not far" he answered. I explained that there was a small amount of information I needed to cover myself for insurance purposes. It was like pulling teeth, or getting blood out of a stone. And all the time, he had not even cracked a smile. I was beginning to hope he just changed his mind. "Ok" i said, "have you had a massage before"...."yes" "Are you taking any medication "Yes Warfrin" he said "Great thank you Bob, its very important I know that as it thins your blood""Would you be happy with an Hawaiian Healing Massage that goes for approx 75 mins, its very relaxing and therapeutic, I think you will really enjoy it" "Ok" he said. "Dont get too excited" I thought :-)


I asked Bob to step into the healing room. I explained that i preferred to do the massage with him fully naked if that was ok with him Aahhhhh!!! Now he smiles. His big pearly white falsies nearly fell out of his head. Well now ya talkin" he said and proceeded to disrobe. I said that all modesty would be considered and he would be draped in a sarong at all times. This time I almost caught his teeth. I asked Bob to lay on the table face down with the sarong draped over him and I would be back in a few moments. He muttered something about how silly it would be to have a massage with any clothes on, and I left the room.


I lowered the table for him and gave him a little extra time to change, in case he needed it. I dont think he did.
I entered the room again, through my flowing purple velvet curtains to find him sitting up on the masssage table, stark naked, no sign of the sarong and grinning like a cheshire cat. "See" he said " I dont mind if you see me naked. "Yes but I do" I thought :-)


The Lomi Lomi Massage is quite sensual in its delivery, the strokes are long and rythmic. Every time, which is many over the 75 minute period, I ran my hands over his palm, he grabbed my hand to hold it. "Just relax Bob" i'd say. "Close your eyes and relax" Oh yeah, because his eyes were following me all around the room, every time i moved i felt his eyes on me. Can you imagine how difficult it is to do a face massage from above the head with eyes staring at you. I found every excuse to run my hands over his eyes.


It was eventually over. I rested my hands on Bob's chest and told him that it was time. "Please take your time getting up Bob, get changed and come through to the other room and I will have a glass of water waiting for you." Uhh Ohh... the grin was back, he grabbed my hand and said " I was hoping I could have a little help getting changed?"  I told Bob he was quite capable of getting dressed himself, In fact I was sure he had done it once already today hehehehehehehe Cheeky old Bugger!!!!


I learned another lesson "You dont ask, you dont get" And sometimes you just dont get


xxx

Thank you Bob

My Soul Centre...

Such a long time between posts.
I write today with a particular man in mind. My very special friend Mr Laughing Bear.
Thank you for who you are, to me, to your family, and most importantly to the world. Due to the circumstances of our meeting, it has not been possible, as yet, to physically touch you. However,one day I will hold you in my arms as I hold you now in my heart, Thank you for the difference you make xxx


It has been on my mind for many weeks that I had not written. Not that I didn't have anything to say but that i had so much, i needed to structure it so it made sense and remained a blog and not a Book!
Or so I thought......Ive decided to take my own advice, and a little nudge from Mr Laughing Bear, and just write.


In the last few months, I have fulfilled a dream, Wow! that's the first time I have actually said that, I have a lump in the back of my throat, I smile and cry at the same time, I am moved. I am Blessed.
As I sit here in The Soul Centre, my dream centre, my haven, my sanctuary, looking at all that has been created over the last 3 months, I am almost speechless....... Almost :-)


The words that often come to mind is the words of a man I met many years ago after I had achieved a major goal in my life. I had worked very long and hard for almost a year. I had small children and managed to complete a training program that was designed to be uncomfortable and challenging to say the least, but the transformation that occurred in my life during and since that year, has no doubt contributed to the place where i sit today, My Soul Centre. His name was Randy, he was a big friendly, but stern looking, American man, with gentle eyes, very similar in fact to my friend Mr laughing Bear. He asked  me "Kelley, How do you feel now that the year is over and you have done exactly what you set out to do?" I answered " I just cant believe it"  He glared at me, he didn't smile, he looked deflated in fact, he walked over to me and with a very soft but absolute matter of fact way, he said "Stop being surprised when great things happen to you, and start being surprised when they don't"


Its only recently since the doors of the Soul Centre opened on Monday morning the 6th December 2010, that those words have made such an extraordinary difference in my life. I have been here almost every day, at least 6 a week, sometimes 7, building and creating a space for souls to enter, to be touched moved and inspired to heal and grow and learn. I never really imagined how much, I personally, would be touched moved and inspired to heal and grow and learn. Every day there is a lesson, far greater than the one yesterday.


My children are happy, they see and notice that i am different, happy, calm. I am (soul) centred. My friends have commented that there is a peace about me that they have not known before. Until i sat here to write just now, I hadn't really noticed that even myself.


In all of those days since December 6, I have had the most beautiful people walk through these doors. I have not advertised, apart from my blackboard signs on the road. There has been very very few days in all of those, that I have not had a person walk through the Soul doors. Sometimes, but much more rarely these days, I get surprised that things are so fantastic. Then I remember Randy's words and I take it all back.


Many years ago I heard a saying "Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life." Until now, I thought that was for the "lucky people" Now its my reality, its my life. So am I one of the lucky ones?? No I don't think im lucky, but I am blessed to have learnt not to give up, to have kept searching for the thing that i was passionate about that would be my life's purpose and make the difference.


The Soul Centre is a Sacred Space to share in all the things I mentioned. It is becoming a circle of friends who have all contributed to its success. My walls were built by clients I now also call friends. Every drop of paint was dripped and brushed and rollered with love. Every drop of sweat , even a drop of blood was spilled in love, from the stanley knife used to cut and lay the carpet, to every hair on the paint brushes that were purchased with love and lots of laughter. I am thrilled to say the only tears that have been shed here have been in love.


The last 2 Saturdays have been the renovation days. For some reason I dont think to take many photos, I guess I dont want to miss a moment to capture a previous one. I do wish i had a photo of everyone that turned up that day though, to remove some doors and build my wall. Mark who built the frame, Steve who shopped with me and bought and layed the gyprck and filled it in and nailed it down and listened to me and shared with me. Kate for the paint shopping the stanley knife shopping(do you realise how many stanley knives are out there???) and for the painting and the carpet laying and the driving and for everytime she was there and here or couldnt and wanted to be,  Sri for the crystals and the singing bowls and the love and support of my centre, Kat for tantralise and keeping me sane, and for our late night wednesday talks, Pete for loving me and being my friend and for removing the doors, practically on his own, and for always being there for me, Giovanni for his love and support and feeding me and my girls every sunday night, To Yvonne for coaching my arse off and making me realise that it doesnt have to be perfect to work, and for loving me and supporting me no matter what i do or dont do.To all the people in my life, you make me who I am and I love you.. Just because you are you

I give thanks to so many people including my parents, my childhood was difficult and challenging, but my parents, although i never realised it then, were and are my greatest teachers. My family in general, for was it not for them, and the life i had, I may not have been here now. I thank all my teachers, I thank my coaches, I thank Landmark Education and the amazing people I met there over a 10 year period.

I give very special thanks to my children, my two beautiful and completely amazing young ladies who are patient, who have gone without and who love me unconditionally, This is for you <3

"Anahata" The Heart Chakra ... My Soul Centre


xxx