Conversation to invoke healing

My friend from Melborne was up for the wekend, we had booked some time today for a chat, a catch up and maybe a massage.


For some reason the massage didnt happen but healng through conversation did occur. Physically i wasnt feeling great, but knew there was a conversation to have with her. She has some stuff to work through and a few barriers to beak down. I am honoured that its me she trusts with these things.


I am so blessed that every day i get to have conversations to make a difference. Its every day i realise what a blessing it is to have tantra in my life and how beautiful it is to share it.


We worked on clearing a few blockages in her chakras with some breathing exersises and afirmations. Its amazing to realise how we can change the way we feel by changing the way we breathe. We did some visualisations and I nurced her head in my lap for a facial massage.


She has some homework to do about self love and trust and acceptance.


You know who you are beautiful friend and i thank you for your love and trust today. I acknowledge you for your bravery and your willingness to look deep within yourself and alter old stories and belief systems. Im looking forward to speaking to you over the coming weeks and coaching you to a new level on your journey.


The greatest thing about sharing is what we learn in the process. Im realising more and more that the more i share, the more I receive, its a win, win situation. I am learning to trust my intuition on a deeper level and I am feeling it more profoundly in my physical body each and every time i touch.


Thank you to everyone who chooses to allow me to touch them physically and emotionally. You are all my inspiration and the reason i do what i do and love it so intently.


xxx

A Birthday Party to Remember..... for many reasons

On Wednesday my eldest daughter turned 16


We had an agreement from many years ago. As I was not and am not one of those organised and happy birthday party organisers, I made arrangements with them. My girls had a few early years parties, but we all agreed on a party at 10 for double digits, a party at 13 for being a teenager, a party at 16, because its sweet and then that was it till maybe 21, depending on our situations.


Now getting back to our sweet sixteen party.
I think I was nearly as excited as her. I did manage to plan and organise everything, well almost. I thought I was completely prepared (thought being the operative word here) I should have suspected something when I found it so difficult to book a venue.


Approximately 150 invitations went out.......


Let me just break here for a moment and fill you in on a little background information.


When my daughter started high school 4 years ago. It was just like every other child beginning high school, but she was mine, so of course everything was going to be fine.....Mmmmmmmm.


To cut a very long, but very important story short. She was targeted by the groups of , lets just say, Mean Girls, for not being one of them, for being too beautiful, not smoking and swearing and screwing everything that moved, for not having big enough tits, for having braces or being friends with the boys and not so popular people... You get my drift here, right?
After fighting the system for 3and a half years, 3 months ago, we decided to change schools. A risk. In the hope of creating a positive school memory to look back on with love not war.

Dare to Risk

To laugh is to appear the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach for another is to risk involvement.

To expose your ideas, your

dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying. To believe is to risk failure.

But risk must be taken,

because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The people who risk nothing, do nothing, have nothing, are nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel,

change, grow, love, live. Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves; they

have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

Author Unknown

So....... To even have 150 people to invite was a huge accomplishment. She was so excited and thrilled at the fact that everyone in her new year at school wanted to be a part of that new life.


On Friday night 24th September, the party began at 7pm.


We had the dress, the shoes, the jewellery, the hair and make up. I had a venue, balloons, Cake, 3 DJ's with a light and laser show, friends and I doing security, alcohol not permitted, a list of names at the door, no name on list = No Entry and Security wrist bands. I thought I had it covered.
Everything was going great. With a few extras coming through the door, bags being confiscated due to alcohol smuggling and a few strong confrontational conversations with 16 - 18 year old boys who thought they were all important and very cool, we were very pleased that everything was on track.
The party was due to end with the DJ's ceasing the music at 11 and everyone out by 11.30.


At 10pm, I was outside checking out the sly drinkers and making sure the girls were behaving and everyone was off the street and inside the fence.
All of a sudden, my vision was blurred as 2 young male upstarts ran passed me at the speed of light and jumped the fence. The next thing I saw was one of the DJ's at the front door with a bloody nose. The music had stopped, the lights in the auditorium were blacked out and a confused, curious and not so happy crowd was gathering.
Before I knew it there was an all in brawl on the outside of the fence. Punches were being thrown and boys were wrestling on the ground. I very quickly called the police, I was nearly knocked over in the rush of kids wanting to see the fight. I was busy trying to convince everyone to stay inside.


The police arrived, some older friends of the DJ looked a bit worse for wear. There was a little blood, a few injuries, my daughter was being consoled by friends. My worst nightmare was being realised.
I kept calm, I spoke to the police, the problem makers looked like they had moved on. However, by 10.15pm the party was over. I had all the guests organise to be picked up as soon as possible. After the police had left, some crazies arrived with metal bars to seek revenge on the kids that punched their friend.
I called the police again and gave them descriptions and vehicle registration numbers. Rumour had it they were headed about 500 metres up the road to the local McDonalds to "Get" the kids that caused it.
Unfortunately the police didn't make it in time. My daughters boyfriend was caught and bashed.


Everyone is ok, no one hospitalised, minimal damage, bruised egos and no doubt more physical ones, disappointment and fear and no doubt some emotional scars were left behind.


I was truly surprised and in some ways completely shocked at this behaviour. I knew it existed, just not in my immediate world. Some say I should have expected it, some say, oh well at least no one was hurt, some say at least the party was a success till 10pm and some say sorry. I say NO!


I say Peace. I say Love.


What can we do to inspire the young? What has youth at the, meant to be, tender age of 16 want to start a war? What makes youth have no sense of responsibility? What can we, our generation do to alter this in our youth? Is there anything we can do?


The police did everything within their power to help, they were great, but there was no respect for their presence, there was no fear of getting into any trouble. To some degree the police were handcuffed. The instigators got away, the victims are still out for revenge and wouldn't share any information with the police to have these boys caught and brought to justice... They wanted their own.


What are we as parents doing to cause this?


What can we be responsible for?


Who are we being in our life, in this world, that this behaviour is still occurring in the 21st century?


Something I keep close by and try to remember everyday.


Author unknown

Responsibility

Responsibility starts with saying you are cause in the matter.

Responsibility is not burden, fault, blame, praise, credit, shame or guilt. In responsibility there is no evaluation of good or bad, right or wrong.

There is simply what’s so and your stand.

Being responsible begins with the willingness to deal with a situation from the point of view that you are the generator of what you do, what you have and what you are. This is not the truth.

It is a place to stand.

No one can make you responsible, nor can you impose responsibility on another. It is a grace you give yourself – an empowering context that leaves you with a say in the matter of life

Has responsibility become a dirty word?


Does this idea of Responsibility inspire you?


If so, what can you see that may make a difference?

Anahata (Heart Chakra)

They sang to me. I vibrated with the songs from Sri and her crystal singing bowls.


On Monday i was taken to the most beautiful place.
I had been looking forward to my session with Sri for what seemed like weeks.
My friend Sri is a crystal healer and is studying healing with singing bowls.
I had no idea what to expect and didnt really give it much thought so had no expectations.


WOW!!! was my mind and body blown away and reconnected and vibrated and energised, all at the same time


Sri picked me up and we went to her home. We walked in to the main room, her healing room. There were these giant crystal singing bowls on the floor. I was shocked at the size of them, I had only ever seen a Tibetan brass singing bowl and that sits in your hand. You would be lucky to lift one of these things. We sat on the floor and Sri touched a bowl with a kind of donger :-) The sound resonated through my whole body.


We spoke for a while about what was present in my life, who were the people showing up in my life right at the present moment, and was there anything I particularly wanted to work on today.  Any particular chakra needing attention. We discussed a few things, my daughters my relationships, my visit with my mother the day before, finances etc. Things guided Sri to the idea that it was probably Root Chakra stuff that was coming up for me.
Root Chakra, (colour RED) is our 1st chakra, in sanskrit it is known as Muladhara. It is related to security and survival. Its the tribal Chakra concerned with issues of family, school, job, religion, nationality, politics and patriotism. It is also associated with money as money is connected to our survival. I agreed with Sri.


She also knew I was finding it a challenge to relate and communicate with a few people that it maybe my also be Throat Chakra, (colour TURQUOISE). I had a bit of a frog in my throat, so to speak, so i agreed.
Throat Chakra, 5th Chakra, sanskrit word is Vishuddha. Our throat chakra is the centre of our creative expression, the spoken word, actions, choices and will. When blocked can cause sore throats, dry coughs, gum and teeth problems.


I also mentioned to Sri that i thought i was ready for a new relationship and that i would like to work on that this year as well.


Sri continued to ask me a few questions and made me feel comfortable and at ease, We talked about the process that would occur over the next 2 hours.


I first listened to Sri play each bowl once. there were 7 main ones, associated with each chakra. I had to listen to each one and choose the one that best resonated with me at that moment. It was number 4,
Heart Chakra, (colour GREEN) sanskrit word, Anahata. Associated with following your heart, your hearts desire. its the centre of our being, 3 chakras below and above. Love, forgiveness, compassion.


I then selected 3 crystals from her divine collection. I chose Jet for grounding, and also the fact that the pieces she had were so beautiful and large and polished, I couldnt resist them. I chose rose quartz as its one of my favourites and I couldnt help but choose it. I also chose, after Sri pointed it out to me whilst looking for a green stone, a slice of the most stunning piece of chrysoprase I have ever seen.
I then was handed an artists pad and some colour pencils, Sri instructed me to draw what my heart felt like. It was a jaggered drawing, the colours were pink and green and it had a small spiral in the middle, but there were all jaggered edges like a star, my heart felt quite anxious.


Sri was going to select some more crystals and place them around and on me as I lay down on the mattress. She covered me with a beautiful warm rug and a soft and beautifully fragrant eye pillow. I lay on my back with hands beside me whilst Sri lay the crystals down.
Sri then read me an affirmation she had written for me which is so beautiful, I will share it with you later. I breathed consciously as she read and I repaeated the affirmations 3 times to the most delicious sounds of her playing these crystal bowls. At first I found it so intriguing I wanted to stop everything so I could watch her. I allowed those thoughts to pass as I lay for the next 15 minutes while Sri did a guided meditation. It was so beautiful. I can hardly explain how vivid everything was. I saw my father morph from a tree with roots so deep and strong. I saw my children as babies playing in a field while I watched them grow up, I nursed myself as a baby and loved myself deeper than anyone ever could. Sri's voice faded and for the next 45 mins I surrendered to a symphony of the most amazing sounds and vibrations I have ever heard. I just didnt want it to end. But when it did, i lay for a few moments to come back to earth and gather my thoughts to reconnect to my physical body. Sri removed all the crystals and I sat up. After making sure i was ok, drinking some water and eating some nuts and seeds, I was agin handed the artists pad and colour pencils to draw my heart. It was one great flowing, endless loving spiral, with many colours, deeper in tone than the first and although they were pencils i could imagine it was a water colour. It was gorgeous.


Its now 4 days since then and I feel amazing. In fact a few people have commented onj how I am occuring as so stresslessa nd relaxed and happy.
I actually feel, for the first time in a very long time, that i have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. Love is flowing through me and from me in all directions and I feel fantastic.


I write this for a few reasons, the first is because i am committed to blogging forever and i never want to stop. The second is because i want you to experience it for yourself and the third and most important is because i want Sri to get the acknowledgement of what an enormous difference she made to me and my life in a few short hours.


Sri.... Thank you beautiful, I love you, honour you and respect you.
Namaste
xxx

Generational Mother / Daughter Lunch

Sunday lunch with my mother came and went with practically no hiccups.


Thats ENORMOUS for me :-) I really am growing.


My daughters, my mother and I sat at the local RSL Club for an asian bistro lunch. Three generations at one table. Mum in her soft shoes and trackies. The girls all grown upo and dressed up. We looked a treat.


I hadnt seen my mum for almost a year and she looked quite frail. She turned 71 in July. We spoke about mostly trivial things and about my eldest baby turning 16, that was me 29 years ago. It did put a few things in perspective.


I said I'd share about how it all went, and i know its taken me till now, the early hours of Friday morning. Well, the first thing that happened is I wrote a huge story and shared some of the conversations and my thoughts and feelings, and i previewed the page to check the blog and the internet went down and i lost it all. I was so disappointed i havent written since. And I realised tonight that , that was just me throwing a tanty (tantrum). I also realised that it was probably not meant to be published. Now when i share with you I also realise that it was actually quite pleasant, and there isnt very much else I need to say about it.


My mother, My greatest challenge and my greatest teacher..............
Thank you Emily for your words of wisdom xxx

Mother

Its interesting......
Or should i say She is interesting.
I sit here half dressed, procrastinating about visiting my mother today.
The same mother who I spoke of earlier, who called me a slut when i was a virgin sweet sixteen year old. It was the beginning of a tumultuous life with her. Funnily enough, it was about the same time I got to know my dad.


Mother..... In my journey since then, I have learnt many things, I have always searched for a way to have a relationship with my mother. As I got older and this task became increasingly difficult, I decided I would create a relationship with my daughters that was exquisite and everything the one with my mother was not. I figured that would give me what I dreamed of, a family, love, verbal I love you's, hugs and kisses, respect, just to name a few important ones. I am overjoyed to say that motherhood is everything I thought it would be, and more.


There is alot I have to give up whilst sitting here contemplating my day today. One is that i am not loved. Because i am. I may not be approved of, or respected, or even liked by my mother, but in her way, she does love me, she has to, how could a mother not love her daughter. Im not sure that would be possible.
So with my girls in hand we leave the house today to visit my mother, who i havent even spoken to, let alone seen since February this year.
Its my eldest daughters sweet 16th birthday this week, hence the lunch with mum and I guess, the reason why this has all come up for me. I am doing this for her, and she is 16, like I was. Alot of things happened when i was 16, but the downfall of my relationship with my mother is formost in my memory.


My realtionship with my daughters is soooooo amazing! We kiss and hug every day to say hello, goodbye, goodnight, Im sorry, thank you and everything else I can think of. We talk about everything, sometimes its not straight away, sometimes it takes a few days for them to gather thoughts and feelings and figure out what to share, but always loving and moving conversations exist. Dont get me wrong, its not a smooth sail on clear still waters :-) Its sometimes loud and messy with doors slamming and tempers firing. Particularly as you can imagine, three women all bleeding at the same time in the same house. Sometimes we are eating separately in our rooms with the doors closed. And other times we are all in my bed with the 2 dogs watching a movie and falling asleep.


I feel better already. Its time I stopped worrying about today and start celebrating the beautiful relationships I do have.


Motherhood is the most delightful of all the roles I could ever think of. I cant help being a little sad that my mum doesnt get that............I will let you know how it all goes :-)  xxx

Tantralise

Emma asked me "What does tantra mean to you?"


Its a great question, as there are so many books, comments and statements made about the subject.
My first thoughtwas to find one of those statements or comments that aligned with my thoughts and ideas and quote that. But that wouldn't have been fair to myself or to Emma.


I dont actually truly recall the first time I thought about Tantra. I know it had something to do with my love of connection that I felt with sex and sexual energy. On some level it may even have had something to do with my mother calling me a "Slut"at the age of sixteen. A bad enough thing for a young woman to hear from her mother, especially when I was a virgin, and not ever really been kissed. So I began to think and research sex and  what a slut was.


Almost 30 years later, grown up and certainly no virgin, I find myself in a weekend workshop studying Tantric Massage. I found myself touching and being touched, emotionally as well as physically, in a way I didnt know was possible. I experienced "Bliss,"  I discovered and became able to recognise Shiva and Shakti, the masculine and feminie energy in me and I honoured them both. I fell in love myself and on some level, my teacher and all the participants as well. Over that weekend I knew I had found what I was born to do.


It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I have done alot of workshops over the last 20 years, all of which have caused major breakthroughs in my life, my relationships, my growth and my personal development as a whole... But never have I felt so in touch and enlightened as I felt that weekend. My teacher was, still is, a beautiful woman who was obviously passing on her interpretation of tantra, but it certainly became mine also. She taught me that your logical and analytical mind and thoughts will get you so far in life... Its true. However, your Intuition and your heart will get you everywhere. This has been something I have carried with me every day since then. Every decision, every choice, everything I see and learn, I touch my heart and choose intuitively. It always works out for the best. Not necessarily the way I  thought it would or even wanted it to, but always for the greater good.


So in knowing that little bit of history I want to explain to you how I answered the question from Emma.


Tantra is not what western society implies it is, "The Great Shag." Thats like saying yoga is about the exersise. Tantra is about energy, sexual energy, its about love and bliss and pleasure and touch and deep feeling and connection. To me, Tantra today is about taking all the wisdom we can from the ancient tantikas (tantra teachers), who were always women by the way, and even modern goddesses as well, and using the experience to manage, control, harness and utilise all the sexual energy we have in our bodies, particulary the intensity of the energy accumulated at the time of orgasm, and shift, guide and move it through our entire bodies. With passion and comitment and medittation and breathing and touch, we can learn to create the intensity of that energy and use it for greater and deeper feelings of love pleasure, sex and healing at any time. So if I was asked and I often am, Ïs Tantra about sex" I say NO! But I also add "Will you have great sex whilst studying and practising Tantra" My answer is always "Hell Yeah"


Tantra to me is about living a true and passionate life, able to experience all that there is. It is primarily about Healing and Bliss and Love and Pleasure